Dear Claustrophobia, Enough Already
An open letter to the float industry's leading excuse not to float.
By The Float Mind | October 1, 2019
You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here.
Look. . . I get it.
You're a popular phobia to have. You've got a great number of loyal fans.
I mean, every time I meet someone in public and talk to them about floating, they gotta let me know about you and how you live in their heads.
But the thing is. . . you're detrimental to my business.
See, the industry I'm in is built on the concept of having clients float in an Epson salt solution without any light or sound. This environment is beneficial because it provides the client with an opportunity to relax without being bombarded by external stimulation.
You, literally, can't find an environment like this on earth. Trust me when I say the environment can't be done in your bathroom or your pool in the backyard.
The truth is, you can't really explain it with words. You have to experience it first.
Except potential clients aren't taking the opportunity to discover float therapy because they'd rather chill with you. I don't think they even know how limiting it is to keep you around.
I'm not saying you have to quit your day job. I'm sure there are places that need your expertise. Why don't you take up shop in overcrowded elevators? Get an internship at a prison. Go hang outside dangerous caves.
At a float center - where the point is to reduce anxiety - you're telling my clients to be afraid.
I can't have that.
The problem is, you're keeping people away from my business.
If they gave it a try, they'd find out:
They have the opportunity to get in and out at their leisure.
There are no locks on the door.
There's enough salt in the water to make it impossible to sink.
The boogeyman isn't gonna get you.
And the chances of drowning are very slim. The client's safety should be every float center's number one priority. Some centers even have a panic button in their float room.
But you've still got people comparing it to MRI machines and coffins.
You're like a thought-virus, a program infecting the mind of my float clients.
And I can't have this in my float center.
That's why I gotta kick you out.
Your Friendly Float Center Manager